Knowing When To Use the Familiar Forms of 'You'

The fact that Spanish has two sets of pronouns that mean "you" — the familiar informal "you," which is tú in the singular and vosotros in the plural, and the formal "you," which is usted in the singular and ustedes in the plural — is often a source of confusion for Spanish students. While there aren't any rules that are always valid for determining which one to use, this guide will steer you in the right direction most of the time.

First of all, while there are exceptions, the basic difference between the familiar and the formal is that the former is typically used for friends and family members, while the formal is for use in other situations. You might think of the distinction as something like the difference, at least in the United States, between addressing someone by a first name or something more formal. The danger of using the familiar form when you shouldn't is that you might come across as insulting or condescending, even if you don't intend to. In general, you should use the formal forms unless there's a reason to use the familiar form.

There are two situations where the formal form is almost always used:

• In most of Latin America, the plural familiar form (vosotros) is nearly extinct for everyday conversation. Parents will address even their children as ustedes, something that sounds overly stuffy to people in Spain.
• There are a few regions, notably Colombia, where the informal forms are seldom used.

Here, then, are the times other than those already mentioned where it is generally safe to use the familiar form:

• When speaking with family members or good friends.
• When speaking to children.
• When talking to your pets.
• Usually, when someone starts addressing you as tú. Generally, however, you should not respond in the familiar form if the person who addresses you as tú is someone in a position of authority over you (such as a police officer).
• When someone lets you know it's OK to address him or her in familiar terms. (The verb for "to speak to someone in familiar terms" is tutear.)
• When meeting peers, if such is the custom in the region for your age group and social status. Again, you can take your cues from those around you and the person you're speaking with.
• In most Christian traditions, when praying to God.

Although it is beyond the scope of this lesson, you should also be aware that in some regions another singular familiar pronoun, vos, is used with varying degrees of acceptance, and in some areas it has its own accompanying verb conjugations. Your use of tú, however, will be understood in those areas.