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How To Speak Spanish Unlike a Native

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Next time you travel to a Spanish-speaking country, you may want to be identified as an ugly American or as just another silly tourist. Follow these tips, and you're sure to be the talk of the town.

Difficulty: Easy

Time Required: 5 minutes

Here's How:

  1. Remember to pronounce the letters B and V as they are pronounced in English.
  2. Don't bother to learn verbs in anything other than the present tense.
  3. Remember to pronounce the letters D, G, H, J, L, Q, and Z the same as they're pronounced in English.
  4. If you don't know the Spanish word, just add 'o' or 'a' at the end of the English word to make it a noun, or 'ar' at the end if it's a verb.
  5. Don't bother to listen to native speakers to hear how the language is spoken.
  6. Be so afraid to make mistakes that you won't try to speak.
  7. Always use the same word order as you would in English.
  8. If people don't understand you, talk louder.
  9. Remember that if the word looks the same as an English word, it definitely means the same thing.
  10. Remember to forcefully pronounce all consonants and to muddle the sounds of vowels.
  11. Remember that courtesies such as 'por favor' (please) and 'gracias' (thank you) are unimportant in Spain and Latin America.
  12. Speak to everyone using the form of "you."
  13. Never drop redundant pronouns from sentences.
  14. Ease into the language by only frequenting establishments where English is spoken.
  15. If you're going to learn just one sentence, make it this one: Busco alguién que hable inglés.
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